Why does a baby need a comforter?

Attachment to a comforter often appears around 8 months. At this age, the baby begins to realize that he is a separate person from his parents. He therefore understands that he can be separated from them at any time. This is the period of separation anxiety, a normal stage in children's development.

Not all children adopt a comforter. It depends on the toddler, but also on the country. Indeed, the comforter is mainly a Western phenomenon. And even in Western countries, it is estimated that only 1 in 2 children would really take ownership of a comforter. Some babies would need it more than others to cope with the unknown.

You don't have to push your child to adopt a comforter. You can provide him with a small blanket or a stuffed animal. If he feels the need, he will adopt it naturally. Make sure that the comforter provided is suitable for your baby and that it does not pose a risk of suffocation or choking.

The comforter helps the baby to comfort himself, to reassure himself, and to better cope with the separation from his parents. Indeed, the comforter allows the little one:

• to better tolerate the absence of his parents and to feel safe while waiting for their return;
• to develop his ability to be alone;
• to facilitate his exploration and to feel safe during transitions and new situations (e.g.: daycare, park, medical visit).

The comforter can therefore serve as a “bridge” between the known (the parents, the house) and the unknown. Since it is a source of comfort for the little one, it facilitates transitions.

By holding it close, the child prolongs the feeling of security he feels when he is at home and in the presence of his parents. When the comforter is associated with a warm and reassuring bedtime routine, it also helps the child fall back to sleep alone if he wakes up during the night.

This is why psychologists call the comforter a "transitional object". It is an object that allows a transition between the baby's fusional relationship with his parents and the stage where he will be fully aware that he is an individual in his own right. This stage usually occurs between 12 and 18 months. This is when the child gains confidence to explore his environment, under the benevolent gaze of the people he loves.

The transitional object is part of daily life in daycares. Educators accept the presence of comforters when the parent leaves or during naps. The educational program of United Kingdom daycare services recognizes that each child is unique and that the need for comfort varies greatly from one toddler to another.

For this reason, the educational program encourages parents and educators to put in place conditions that will reassure the child. The program therefore encourages the educator to help children who need it to separate from their parents and to accept that they bring a transitional object from home (e.g.: stuffed animal, small blanket). This object can also be useful to help toddlers self-soothe at nap time and thus fall asleep on their own.

Since the comforter is a source of comfort and security for your child, do not use the removal of the comforter as a consequence for inappropriate behaviour. Children have difficulty accepting a change of comforter, and they rarely “adopt” more than one. For them, their comforter is unique. Its smell and texture, acquired over the days, provide them with security. Toddlers are very sensitive to odours. The smells of breast milk and soap or their parents' skin are often enough to soothe them.

So, even if a stuffed animal seems identical to another (purchased, for example, in the same place), it is not. Its smell and wear give it a unique character.

The relationship with the comforter varies from one child to another. Some carry it around all day. Others ask for it especially at bedtime, when they are upset, when they hurt themselves, when they are frustrated or when they are in a new environment.

Losing his comforter can be very difficult for your child, especially if the loss occurs around 2 years old. At this age, it is the beginning of the assertiveness period, which is characterized by more opposition and anger. It is also during the affirmation period that your child gains autonomy.

If your child loses his blanket, take the time to talk about it with him. Explain to him that you can no longer find his blanket. Comfort him and allow him to express his emotions. If your child remains inconsolable, go buy him another comforter that he will love.

• language will give him new ways to express his pain or boredom;
• he will feel more confident;
• his social development (friends, outdoor activities, etc.) will mean that he will need less comfort from his comfort blanket.

Generally, toddlers give up their comfort blanket between the ages of 3 and 5. However, some children may continue to use it occasionally around the age of 5.

Around the age of 6, children usually no longer feel reassured by their comfort blanket. Your child may also need to temporarily find his or her blanket if a more difficult event occurs in his or her life (e.g. illness of a loved one, moving, arrival of a new baby in the family). So it is better to respect this need. Once he or she has tamed this new situation, he or she will leave his or her blanket behind on his or her own.

If your child always carries his or her blanket around with him or her, you may want to gradually get him or her used to leaving it behind sometimes. Here are some tips to help your child part with his or her blanket from time to time:

• Avoid suddenly taking his or her blanket away from him or her, thinking that he or she will get over it faster. On the contrary, it is better to reassure him or her and make him or her responsible by gradually separating him or her from his or her blanket.
• The more your child feels understood and reassured, the faster he or she will abandon the habit of carrying his or her blanket everywhere on his or her own.
• Allow him to have his comfort blanket during major changes, such as when he starts daycare or changes groups.
• Observe your child to know in which situations he takes his comfort blanket. You can also ask his educator to tell you when he asks for it. This will help you better understand what he is experiencing and his emotions. This will help you support his emotional development and put words to his emotions. Your child will then feel understood and comforted, which will help him to give up his comfort blanket.

• Set rules for using the comfort blanket and modify them as your child grows. Around 3 or 4 years old, your child is able to accept certain rules about his comfort blanket. For example, he might be allowed to take his blanket for naps or car rides, but not to the table, to the bathroom or to the grocery store.

• When done gently and at his own pace, these separation experiences allow your little one to adopt coping strategies. These will serve him throughout his life.
• Set up a special place at home to store his blanket. Your toddler can put it there while he eats or plays. He will leave it there more and more often. Little by little, he will go to this place to reassure himself, but without taking his blanket.
• If your toddler does not want to part with his blanket during meals, suggest that he put it near the table. This way, his blanket will eat its doll or stuffed animal food, and it will watch your child eat. You can suggest the same strategy when he does messy activities.

• Encourage your child's autonomy little by little. Explain to him that, when he goes out, your responsibility is to remember to bring all the necessary items and that his responsibility is to remember his blanket.
• Read stories on the subject to your child. This will help him/her to better cope with the separation from you and the detachment from the comforter. You can also imagine with your child solutions to situations that could occur with his/her comforter (e.g.: washing or losing the comforter).

What to do if your child forgot their blanket at home?

If your child realizes that they forgot their blanket at home, it is best not to go back to get it. If your little one is not too upset, point out that it is probably because they need it less.

Reassure them that they will find it when they get home. If your child seems upset when they realize that they forgot their blanket, stay calm and show empathy. Take the time to put into words their sadness and the fact that they miss their blanket.

You can also suggest that they choose a replacement object while waiting to find their blanket once they get home. If your child is experiencing severe anxiety without their blanket (e.g. crying, refusal, tantrums, rapid breathing) and you do not think you will be able to calm them down, you could go back to get it.

 

 

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