Attitudes to support a young person with a loved one living with a mental health disorder
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Children and adolescents who have a loved one living with a mental health disorder (MSD) can experience various emotions and experiences: worries, incomprehension, sadness, anger, etc.
They generally need to understand what they are going through, to feel that they are not alone, and to have the opportunity to talk about their experiences.
Here are some attitudes to favour with these young people in order to accompany and support them as best as possible through the difficulties they experience.
Be calm, present and available: Make sure you are emotionally available to welcome what your young person will have to share with you. Find ways to refocus and regulate the emotions you yourself are feeling before starting the discussion.
Put words to what is happening: In simple language or, with the help of books or educational videos, try to explain what is happening to the loved one in question. Start from their reality, ask them what behaviours, thoughts or emotions they find difficult or that they don’t understand. If you don't know the answer, it's perfectly fine to tell him you don't know.
Listen to what he shares without judgment: We all have our own way of reacting to the difficulties we encounter. It is therefore important not to judge the emotions and thoughts that your child expresses, even if it differs from your experience. Feeling listened to and understood can have a positive impact on one's ability to overcome difficulties.
Help distinguish the mental health disorder from the loved one's personality: Being able to identify the personality traits of the loved one (nature, values, beliefs) allows you to create a distance between the TSM and the person. The loved one is not his mental health disorder. Rather, TSM is a state of health that influences the individual, their way of perceiving themselves and the world around them.
Normalize and validate the emotions you feel Guilt, fear, sadness and anger are some of the emotions common to young people who have a loved one living with MSD. When the emotions experienced are normalized and permission to experience them is felt, shame, loneliness and isolation tend to be less present.
Value respect Promoting respect for oneself, others and the affected loved one is an attitude that aims to promote healthy exchanges. Insulting or judging the loved one for their thoughts, emotions and behaviours, whether to them directly or to others, generally does not help. It is possible to set limits and communicate your opinion respectfully.
Focus on your interests and exploit your strengths: Changes in behaviour (isolation, irritation, depression) in your loved one can have an impact on your young person's confidence and self-esteem. Being interested in what your child likes can make it easier to feel important, in addition to promoting moments of connection, a need generally present during more trying and emotionally charged times.
Jointly seek adaptation strategies: Exploring and trying to jointly develop strategies to overcome difficulties can be a great opportunity, particularly to promote family collaboration, to ensure that your young person can find ways that suit them and to normalize and validate the need to use such tools.
When necessary. If you have concerns about your young person's well-being or feel that you have reached a limit in terms of support provided, it is entirely appropriate to seek additional help.