Well-being of a baby (what to do to reduce separation anxiety)
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Well-being:
Separation anxiety
What is separation anxiety? Separation anxiety is a normal stage of children’s development. It usually occurs around 8 months, but sometimes before this age. During this stage, the baby's crying and fear increase when he realizes that he is far from the person who feeds him, takes care of him and comforts him every day.
The baby may react more when the separation occurs in a new place, because he seeks the comforting security of people he knows well and familiar places. At this age, the baby increasingly recognizes familiar faces (parents, brother, sister, grandparents, guardians). He is wary of people he doesn't know and seeks the reassuring presence of his parents.
The development of his memory and his reasoning ability also allows him to predict an event. The baby therefore expects things to happen in the usual way. This is why he shows his discomfort when he is separated from one of his parents. During this period of development, the baby who smiled at all strangers now looks serious and intimidated in the presence of strangers. This is what specialists call fear of strangers.
Separation anxiety: the same for both parents? The baby experiences separation anxiety towards both parents, but he may feel it more towards the one who spends the most time with him. A baby may also react when separated from one parent and placed in the care of the other parent.
Although it can be difficult for parents, this reaction is common and completely normal. It will disappear over time. In many families, one parent spends more time caring for the baby during the first year of life. This proximity promotes the creation of a first bond of attachment, and certain small habits develop.
The baby is also reassured by routine and familiar gestures, therefore by what he knows. This is why he wants to stay with the parent who rocks, carries and feeds him most often. He likes to find his tone of voice, his smell and the way of doing things that is most familiar and usual to him. This bond does not, however, prevent the creation of a secure attachment bond with the other parent.
Why does your baby cry when you leave the room? Your baby's ability to imagine where you are in the house is developing, and this understanding reassures him. However, your baby still prefers to rely on your reassuring presence with him to feel secure. For example, if you head to the kitchen to get a glass of water, your child may react by crying when you walk away. The sound of your voice saying from the kitchen, “I'll be back,” and the familiar sound of running water helps him understand that you will be back, which can help calm him down.
However, when you leave the house or entrust him to another person outside the home (e.g. daycare), your baby does not fully understand what happens to you when he is no longer with you. He no longer sees you, cannot clearly imagine where you are, and cannot fully understand that you will come back. This loss of bearings distresses her.
When does separation anxiety end? Separation anxiety can last until the age of 18 months. It then decreases little by little. Sometimes, the first reactions observed around 8 months disappear and return in periods. This can happen when an event disrupts your child's habits, for example recent changes in the childcare environment; the prolonged absence of a parent; a move, or the arrival of a little brother. To feel safe, your child wants to be close to you, and separations are more difficult.
How does separation anxiety manifest? Here's how your baby may react during this time. He can:
- Start to cry when he no longer sees you, when you leave him alone in a room or in the presence of a person he does not know or barely knows.
- No longer smile at the first person who comes, and no longer want to be in the arms of just anyone.
- Fuss, cry, or become very observant when you take him to new places. Out of worry, he may start watching your actions and be afraid that you will leave without him
- Start waking up again or requesting your presence with him at night.
How can you help him get through the period of separation anxiety? Little by little, your baby will get used to new situations and people. He will also learn to detach himself from you.
Here is what you can do to reduce his anxiety:
- Give him time to adjust to a new place or people he doesn't know. Take the time to talk to them so that your baby gets used to them.
- Get your baby used to seeing different people, but don't force him to be held by someone else
- If he wants to cuddle with you in front of strangers, cuddle him. Do not hesitate to reassure him and take him in your arms when he is afraid.
- Play peek-a-boo by hiding your face behind a blanket or playing hide and seek behind the door frame or chair. This game allows your baby to better understand where you are when he can't see you.
- If you have your baby looked after, entrust him, if possible, to someone he knows and who will be able to welcome his grief at the time of departure, to take him, to comfort him and, then, to bring them to do an activity that will arouse their interest and help them calm down.
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Avoid leaving when your child is not looking or when he or she is sleeping. He risks experiencing this as abandonment.
- Before you leave, give your baby a stuffed animal or blanket he loves or a piece of clothing infused with your scent. This will be a source of comfort for him.
- When you leave, say goodbye while explaining why you are leaving and what will happen during your absence. Tell him that you will come back soon with a concrete time marker, for example: “See you again after your nap. »
- You can also explain to him that he will be good with the person who looks after him and that she will take good care of him. If he cries and clings to you, take the time to comfort him and hug him. Your embrace will soothe him. Continue to speak to him in a calm tone. When he has calmed down, offer him toys or activities that will pique his interest.
- The person you entrust it to will then be able to join you in the game, which will make your departure easier. When you have him looked after at home, ask the person looking after him to arrive 15 to 30 minutes before your departure time.
- She will be able to do activities with him while you are still at home. Show your baby that you feel confident having someone look after him. Otherwise, he will feel your anxiety and it will only increase his own.
- Help your little one play independently. Place him and his toys near you when you cook or read, for example. He will gradually gain confidence in himself while knowing that you are close by.
- Opt for alternating daycare days close together, if possible, to prevent your little one from being separated from you and the other parent for too long.
- Maintain the same routine (meal time, bath time, bedtime) with both parents to keep your child safe.
- If he goes to a daycare setting, it is also preferable to have the same arrival and departure times as much as possible.
- Make sure your child has their favourite blanket, stuffed animal or toy with them in both places.
- Give him an item of clothing impregnated with your scent when he goes to the other parent.
- Leave a photograph of the other parent in their room.
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